Album Reviews — ScarfaceTubby

Against All Odds

Gucci Mane

Overall Rating1 out of 5 Shawt Bus Shawties

First 3 Song Reviews

Back against the Wall

Lets discuss the cover briefly instead of talking about this first song which is aight at best. The Gucci Mane that’s on the cover is not the Gucci Mane we know today and I think it was intentional cuz today’s Gucci Mane got robbed at gunpoint by Pooh Shiesty and cooperated with 12 and is now looked at kinda like a snitch from the ignorant group of individuals known on the internet as YN’s, who is his main demographic.

Yall make me sick

I feel like I’ve heard this beat 100 different times. Remember when he used to look 9 months pregnant?

Fucc errybody

I gotta be completely transparent and say I’ve always thought his music was straight buttcheeks but always found him entertaining strictly off the fact he’s clearly retarded. I still think this new Gucci is a government clone.

Last night in ATL
This one features one of my celebrity crushes, Summer Walker, who I think is so damn sexy but also might be on the spectrum as well. You ever seen the dudes she’s let dump inside of her? SMH

STFU
I’m only 5 songs into this shit and am already over it. You think we’ll ever see Pooh Shiesty again?

She’s so fine
This one’s another shit sandwich. I’m honestly fascinated and curious as to how he went from 9 months pregnant to having washboard abs as I find that to be the most impressive thing he’s ever done other than kill Jeezy’s homie.

Still dat n***a
This beat is pretty solid however from what I see on the internet, he is actually not still that n-bomb (I can’t say it). Where the fuck is OJ Da Jewman!?

She on Go
6 seconds into this and I could tell immediately this one is hot trash. I heard ATL is like 75% gay dudes, is that true??

Rich ass n***a
This one is produced by ZayToven, who I’ve always thought looked like a Walmart brand Usher. I bet he recorded this dog shit ass album on a random Tuesday.

Get the F out my face
Best song title on the album. Still sucks though.

Crazy Bih
I had to stop and see how many more songs are left. There’s 17 songs on this album which is like 13 too many.

Priorities
This one features his son who apparently is named Ice Davis, hahahaha. Wow, dude.

Lambo Pass
Nevermind what I said earlier, y’all. We found OJ Da Jewman and he still sucks donkey dick as a rapper hahahahaha.

Drunk
Back to OJ Da Jews Man… His voice is so hilarious to me and it just makes me think about that Shawt Bus Shawty video which in my opinion, one of the greatest cartoons ever created by man.

All I Have
This one’s alright I guess. Pooh Shiesty should have made Gucci strip naked when he robbed him like DMX did ol’ boy in Belly.

Crash Dummy
Speaking of Shiesty, this is Gucci’s response to getting robbed which as far as diss records go… flaming bag of cat shit.

1017
The beat/sample on this one isn’t bad. Gucci Mane is a terrible rapper and honestly should reinvent himself as a fitness instructor/influencer cuz I need to know how he did it.

Overall Rating:
1 out of 5 Shawt Bus Shawties

Favorite Song:
The one with Summer. She could piss right on my chest, dawg.

Least Favorite Song:
I was gonna say the one with OJ Da JewMan but his voice makes me laugh. I guess I’ll go with the one with his kid whose name is literally Ice, haha.

2 Sentence Overall Assessment:
I’ve never heard a Gucci Mane album that I listened to twice and this isn’t any different. When it’s all said & done, Jeezy won.

Qromelife

Quavo

Overall Rating2 out of 5 hookers in an elevator

First 3 Song Reviews

Backwards

First song is meh, but more importantly, look at the album cover. Them sunglasses are fucking dorky as hell, dawg.

BA

This song has Future on it and isn’t that bad, I guess. Sidenote: Who came up with the name Migos for the group cuz they ain’t even Mexican!?

Hit-A-Lik

I heard Pharrell produced this whole album but got a feeling these are all Neptunes throwaways. Remember when he got into a fight in an elevator with that whore, Saweetie?

Away
This one features that retard, Offset, who basically asked Cardi B for spousal support post-divorce like a bitch hahahaha. Can’t respect that guy.

Baby Breath
This got Rocky, Tyler and Skateboard P on it which I’m not super mad at. Tyler’s verse carries it honestly.

Trance (Walk It Down)
This sounds like a T.I throwaway from 2005. I find it hard to enjoy a Quavo solo joint without any features, but this one isn’t bad if I’m keepin it a bucko.

Factory Trim
I’m still bothered by the sunglasses on the cover. I’m also still waiting for Chris Brown to run into Quavo and beat the brakes off him hahaha

Sweep
This entire album sounds dated. Honestly, I haven’t heard anything exceptional from this guy or his boys since that Culture album, which to be transparent, I thoroughly enjoyed.

Ball My Love
I hate this title and within the first 20 seconds of the song, I could tell this is for the simps and not for me. Lil Baby is on this, who I like, even though in my heart of hearts, believe he was born with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Haoyu Dewdat
Another dumb ass title improperly spelled intentional like a dumb ass 13 year old came up with it. Now I’m annoyed and regret even doing this review to be quite frank.

House Music
Oh shit this got Justin Timberlake on it, who we haven’t heard from since that DUI. Pharrell definitely called in a favor for this one.

Thick in the Mirror
This one ain’t that bad either but hey, did you know his ex-girlfriend, Saweetie is a high-end hooker escort on the side?? Look into it dude.

Haavin
I heard they are haavin discussions about a new Migos album which I think is a desperate cash grab because as solo artists, Quavo and that goober Offset were not on good terms and from what I’ve read, aren’t really selling on their own. Offset needs the money obviously, haha.

Destined
These last few songs were actually tolerable however, I’m destined to never listen to this shit again, haha. See what I did there?

Overall Rating: 2 out of 5 hookers in an elevator

Favorite song: the one with Justin Timberlake, I guess. The only song I wouldn’t mind hearing again.

Least Favorite song: I don’t even know or care, I’m still annoyed by the sunglasses.

2 Sentence Overall Assessment: I’ll never listen to this album again and only did this one cuz it was either this or Remy Ma’s new Papoose divorce album. You think Quavo broke up and beat the shit out of Saweetie in that elevator cuz he found out she was a prostitute?

Set In Stone

Rick Ross

Overall Rating3 out of 5 Aston Martin Man Titties

First 3 Song Reviews

Caviar Bumps

I heard this album only sold like 20K copies and 50s been laughing about it all week. This beat’s pretty good but fat boy’s always been good at picking beats.

Mahogany Caskets

This one got Clifford on it, who has recently retired to spend his days enjoying the fruits of his labor while looking at that thing he calls a wife. Ricky, on the other hand, will most likely never have a long-lasting marriage cuz I mean, just look at him.

Minks in Miami

I bet he doesn’t own a single pair of pants in Florida. Can you picture his ass in denim or slacks cuz I sure as fuck can’t.

Face Down
Remember when some white dude beat Ricky up in Canada? Hahaha ah man, that was hilarious but anyways this song features Rich The Kid who I thought died but I think that was Rich Homie Quan.

Ring Around the Rolls
As a shirtless fat man, he should never title a song Ring Around the Rolls. I’m skipping this shit dude.

Camel Meat
I’ma be straight up honest with y’all, I don’t think Rick Ross is able to achieve an erection and don’t be having sex like that. I think he has cardiovascular issues that prevents him from producing boners and that’s why he be rapping about extravagance so much hahahaha.

Maybach Music 7
Another Maybach music song but this ain’t got a bunch of people on it, just Don Toliver ugly ass. I bet Gunplay has dreamt about beating up Rick Ross, I know I have.

Living Large
This one features Big X The Plug, a fellow disgustingly obese rapper. I just know it stunk in that studio like ass crack and armpit.

Purple Fentanyl
This is a dumb ass title. Rick Ross built like Grimace from McDonald’s.

#23
I just wanna riddle his fat ass midsection with malicious body shots to the liver and kidneys hahahahaha. This song sucks balls!

Porsche GT3-RS
This song is hot trash too. You’d think with all the wealth and resources he has he’d invest in his physical health instead of posing with Belair bottles and knock off Popeyes chicken but fuck it, I hope him and Khaled continue to gain weight and become immobile like them weirdos on My 600lbs Life.

City Lights
Oooh, this got The Dream on it, a personal favorite of mine. This one’s pretty good but it doesn’t negate the fact Rick Ross used to be a cop and has never sold or done cocaine just so everyone’s clear.

Chain of Command
I should have picked a different album. I’m currently scrolling through Pornhub right now, I’m just kinda checked out honestly.

Remarkable Hustle
This one’s pretty good and features Leon Thomas who could play a stud on TV and I would totally fall for it. That boy look like a straight up lesbian, not that there’s anything wrong that that!

Big Fish
This beat is annoying. Gucci Mane is on this which makes sense as one guy is a cop and the other guy recently cooperated with cops, so… Ha!

Diamonds Never Die
What a fuckin stupid ass song title! Next song gonna be called “Water Never Dries”, fuck outta here, how many bullshit songs are left, my fingers are tired.

She’s My Star
One of the worst songs on this album thus far, featuring that whore Yung Miami. Hahaha, I don’t even know if she’s really a whore but she sure sounds like one on this shit, hahaha.

Do It One Time
This song is called “Do It One Time”. It’s how I feel about meth, haha. Seriously.

The Algorithm
Not bad for the final song on the album. Speaking of Algorithm, I bet he’s recording a video on IG right now talking about 50cent or Drake, shirtless like a stripper.

Overall Rating: 3 out of 5 Aston Martin Man Titties
Favorite song: the one with Dream, probably.
Least favorite song: Big Fish or the one with the whore on it.
2 sentence overall assessment: I bet his fat ass doesn’t even shower and bathe himself thoroughly. You can tell he lacks any type of flexibility or agility whatsoever.

Bully

Kanye West

Overall rating3 out of 5 bald white bitches.

First 3 Song Reviews

KING

I used to really love this guy. I bet Hov’s still ignoring his calls.

THIS A MUST

I can’t remember a single song from them Vultures projects. I’m definitely not remembering this one, but I could just be getting old.

FATHER

It’s not even that he’s declined musically, it’s just knowing he can’t control his own emotions and mouth and that makes me view him as incredibly weak, mentally & emotionally and I just find it hard to respect him as a man. This one goes hard though, hahaha!

ALL THE LOVE
Kinda feeling this Domo Arigato Mister Robot-O ass shit but I’m still resentful about his recent antics and cries for attention. This sounds like an 808s & Heartbreak throwaway (an album I consider flawless, btw).

PUNCH DRUNK
You can tell Ye’s never been punched in the mouth cuz he has always been viewed as one of them special/autistic kids. Guarantee if his daddy or someone woulda whooped his ass for throwing tantrums, things wouldn’t be where they are right now with this fuckin goober.

WHATEVER WORKS
This joint ain’t bad. How many times do you think he’s tugged ween to thoughts of other men boinkin Kim?

MAMA’S FAVORITE
He put a song out many years ago called “Hey Momma” and the original demo is so good it makes me teary eyed. This song here is cheeks, tho.

SISTERS AND BROTHERS
You seen those pictures of his “wife” posing as furniture? Hahahaha that bitch is weird, dude!

BULLY
Oh shit this got Ceelo Green on it. That dude is a large dwarf who radiates awkward sexual energy but he’s Dungeon Family and should be respected regardless.

HIGHS AND LOWS
Highs for him is Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. Lows for him is losing to Drake (we all know he lost that shit, let’s be real!)

I CAN’T WAIT
Do you think Kanye keeps it real with his daughter and tells North her beats are trash? I doubt it but I’ma dad so I get it, haha!

WHITE LINES
Kanye on cocaine would be hilarious and absolutely insufferable. That fuckin dork ain’t built for real drugs, I can just tell.

CIRCLES
He’s got Don Toliver on this one who is under Travis Scott but musically is better than Travis Scott but no one wants to admit that cuz Don Toliver looks like a Star Wars alien. That boy ugly, UGLY!

PREACHER MAN
This shit’s a snooze fest. I shoulda did the Fetty Wap album.

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST
I bet Ye hits Hov with several paragraph texts when he’s "having an episode” and Hov & Beyonce giggle over it in bed. Again, we’re never getting a Watch the Throne 2 and if any of you believe we are, I got some other dreams to sell you!

DAMN
This sounds like another 808s scrapped demo, smh. Remember when Ye got mad @ Jim Jones for not knowing what a pdf was?!

LAST BREATH
This got that Peso Plum dude who is owned by the Cartel and will most likely die within the next 24 months. Google it, dude, he’s a mule (HAHA).

THIS ONE HERE
Close your eyes and picture Kanye & John Legend shootin the fair one over clashing political beliefs, haha. Fucking dorks, I can’t stand either anymore.

2 Sentence Overall Review: It all went downhill when he started fuckin that bald white bitch. It was either that or his mom passin but I think it was the bald bitch, honestly.
Favorite Song: I can’t remember a single song I just heard. That’s what happens when the respect is lost, hahaha.
Least Favorite song: The one with the cartel mule on it. He could’ve at least got Bad Bunny but I’m sure he’s not answering Ye’s calls either.
Overall rating: 3 out of 5 bald white bitches.

Uy Scuti

Young Thug

Overall rating1 out of 5 rat turds.

First 3 Song Reviews

Ninja

I just need to say this right out the gate… I’ve always thought Young Thug was trash.

Yuck

This song is terrible. I had zero desire to even listen to this album, but I figured since his ass is all over the timelines cuz he can’t shut the fuck up… fuck it.

On The News

I can’t believe this guy was inserting his weener in Mariah The Scientist. I’m more bothered by that than this terrible ass music and the rat allegations.

Catch Me I’m Falling
This goober was literally pillow talking over the jail phone about everyone, hahahaha. I’m not a Gunna fan but he won.

Fucking Told U
I couldn’t name you three good Young Thug songs. Idk why but I got a feeling Thugger was one of them kids that ate his boogers.

Whoopty Doo
This one ain’t bad only because it’s super basic and somewhat catchy. I hope YSL Woody shoots Young Thug one day, hahahahahaha.

Blaming Jesus
Crazy title. Is he blaming Jesus for the jail phone call leaks??

Sad Spider
Spider’s probably sad cuz everyone knows he’s a gossiping ass bitch including his super fine and much more talented ex-girlfriend who finally left his ass. If you told me Young Thug had hepatitis, I wouldn’t even fact check ya, I’d believe it.

RIP Big & Mack
Wait… this dude had 2 friends named Big & Mack? Hahahaha alright yo.

Invest Into You
This mid ass song features his ex-gf, who stood by his side while he sat in jail and got fat and played on the phone all day. Ironic title, Jeffrey.

I’m So Dope
Can we all agree that Gunna and Lil Baby are both leaps and bounds better than this guy? This shit is like Playboi Carti levels bad, son. Sha-Nay-Nay!

Pardon My Back
Speaking of Lil Baby, he’s featured on this one that isn’t super terrible. I’m sure it wasn’t his call, ha.

Mami
I see it says this song features Sexxy Red… Next record! HAHAHA!

Whaddup Jesus
Two songs with Jesus in the title… This features that funny looking YFN Lucci guy that I thought was Young Thug’s like main rival which just further backs up my recent rant that ALL these goobers are a bunch of phonies!

Walk Down
Gotdamn, there’s still 6 more songs on this shit and this ain’t even the deluxe album. Ain’t no gotdamn reason this guy needs to be putting out an hour & a half worth of shit raps, slime.

Pipe Down
I bet in a cage fight, Gunna would absolutely beat Thug to death, hahaha. Young Thug got the cardio of a Panda Bear; I can just tell his internal organs are shot.

Spider or Jeffery
Remember when this dude was trying to beef with Lil Wayne and then had his tour bus shot up, and Birdman knew about it and then Wayne got back together with Birdman after the fact? Bitch shit, if you ask me, haha.

Revenge
There’s no way any of you over the age of 17 are listening to this album, repeatedly. No way in fuckin hell dude.

Money On Money
Okay, this beat’s pretty hard and Future’s on it. I’ve came to the conclusion, Thug woulda definitely died in prison via stabbing at some point, someone woulda lost it on him sooner or later, I can tell he just has that effect on people.

Dreams Really Do Come True
Another song featuring Mariah The Scientist before she finally said, “fuck this chatty Kathy ass mufucker, I’m out, yo!” This one ain’t bad.

Miss My Dogs
Maaaan, Lil Wayne already got a song called “Miss My Dawgs” that is an absolute classic. Fuck this guy, bro!

2 Sentence Overall Review: This dude’s career is over. I hope Mariah The Scientist gets pregnant with Gunna.
Favorite Song: The ones with Mariah, I guess. Still can’t believe he smashed.
Least Favorite song: “Miss My Dogs” – all these years later, dude’s still on Weezy’s dick. Gross.
Overall rating: 1 out of 5 rat turds.

Tha Carter VI

Lil Wayne

Overall Rating1 out of 5 Lil Wayne dreads (you know he’s only got 5 left!)

First 3 Song Reviews

King Carter

I’ve already read all the tweets about this dog shit album, but I owe it to myself and yall. This intro is straight butthole, hahahaha.

Welcome to The Carter

Let’s all be fucking real for once and for all & collectively admit this Carter series died at C4. This beat’s aight tho.

Bells

I’m almost certain he didn’t even pick these songs and couldn’t even tell you whats on this album, hahaha. I still can’t believe he jizzed in New New from ATL and pumped a baby outta her.

Hip Hop
How many dreads does D’Wayne have left on him, ya think? Gotta be less than 10.

Sharks
I was hoping he was gonna sample ‘Baby Shark’ since he clearly don’t give a fuck about his body of work and legacy anymore. Jelly Roll could have been from Fairbanks, Alaska, LOL.

Banned From NO
Well, well, well… Look who decided to recreate “Banned From TV”. I was gonna crack a joke but I ain’t mad at this one at all, honestly.

The Days featuring Boner from U2
I really wish the illuminati and the global powers that truly run this world would stop trying to force wack ass Boner and U2 into our homes. It feels communist.

Cotton Candy
I don’t think he titled these fucking songs, man. 2Chainz on this apparently but I can’t even focus right now, I’m still pissed off about that fuckin Boner feature on the previous song, smfh.

Flex Up
When was the last time anyfuckingbody younger than 65 listened to a fucking U2 album dawg, like for real!? I blame D’wayne’s syrup addiction for everything past Carter 3, seriously.

Island Holiday
Soon as he started singing, I knew this was going to be a shit burger with cheese. This might be his worst song ever, dude.

Loki’s Theme
Gotdamn, that last song was so bad, I thought it was a joke. He better never compare himself to Hov ever ever ever again.

If I Played Guitar
There’s no way Birdman listened to this fucking song. He should make a song called ‘If I Could Kickflip a Skateboard’, hahaha.

Peanuts 2 N Elephant
2Chainz, Drake, The Game, Eminem, nobody told him this album was going to tarnish his legacy and that this beat in particular sounds like it was made on the original playstation!? I don’t need a second sentence, let’s move forward.

Rari
Is Kameron Carter the kid he made with New New? You think he’s seen that picture of his pops and Birdman kissing like a married couple?

Maria
Andrea Bocelli & Wyclef!?! Where the fuck is Gutta Gutta at dawg, this is horseshit!

Bein Myself
Hahahahaha, man, this album may have single handedly destroyed the entire Carter series, yo! This shit’s like seeing that fuckin Starbucks cup in the last season of Game of Thrones, what a shit show.

Mula Komin In
Speakin of mula, I’ll cashapp anyone $20 who can find me video footage of Lil Wang pulling off an actual kickflip. This song sucks donkey dick.

Alone In the Studio with My Gun
He shoulda been in the studio with a pen and a notebook and actually took time to write a good album. Kodak’s verse is so bad on this, Trump should take back that pardon, haha.

Written History
This one isn’t bad but thank God this is over and hopefully there will not be a seventh Carter. I really look forward to bald headed Lil Wayne cuz he’s coming. Pause.

2 Sentence Overall Review: We’ll always love Lil Wayne the same way we’ll always love Eminem but like Mr. Mathers, I think it’s time to enjoy retirement. He needs to focus all of his efforts on skateboarding because it’s been 10+ years, and he still can’t kickflip.

Favorite Song: Banned from NO
Least Favorite Song: Probably the song with Boner from U2
Overall Rating: 1 out of 5 Lil Wayne dreads (you know he’s only got 5 left!)

I Am Music

Playboi Carti

TUBBY BLOG RATING2 out of 5 Iggy Azalea tears.

First 3 Song Reviews

POP OUT

Surprisingly, I don’t mind this. He’s like the 3rd degenerate RaeSremmurd brother who they left in the basement to fend for himself.

CRUSH

This beat is aggravating. Y’all know he’s a deadbeat dad, right?

K POP

He look like the type to fuck with some kpop hoes. Why does Yachty’s voice always sound like he’s a sesame street puppet?!

EVIL JORDAN
Cool song title. It’s crazy to think he got Asap Rocky’s sloppy seconds and then got it pregnant, hahahahahahahaa smh.

MOJO JOJO
Could you imagine the post sex pillow talk between him and Iggy!? This song is cheeks.

PHILLY
He aint got the features listed on this shit!?!?! Fuck sakes, dude.

RADAR
Yo, this gotdamn goober got 30 songs on this fucking album!? Everything about this angers me hahahahah jk

RATHER LIE
Okay, I like this one but i’m sure we all know why. Yall see that video of Playboi Tardi doing his adlibs in that chair like he was mentally disabled that shit was bananas dawg jajajajaja

FINE SHIT
I’ve heard several versions of this beat on beatstars i almost leased one of them shits im so glad i didn’t. This one’s nice tho.

BACKDOOR
I’ma sucker for them sample flips yo… Speaking of backdoor I bet Zach London and Lungs finger blast themselves in the butt listening to this album hahahaha

TOXIC
OOooooh dis beat is harrrrrd. This might be my favorite so far but i’m only at Future’s verse and will most likely skip it before Tardi’s verse…. Oh shit, there’s a british dude on here, i’m checked out.

MUNYUN
I don’t hate this one but don’t really like it either. I bet Iggy tells their son his daddy ain’t shit on a regular basis hahahaa not cool tho!

CRANK
I know i hate on Tardi a lot but really it’s just to be an antagonist. I’d 100% snort drugs with him, highkey.

CHARGE DEM HOES A FEE
I like this one just off the title alone. You think Tardi can fight?

GOOD CREDIT
Dr. Dre once said you have 30 seconds to capture his attention with a song… Next record.

I SEEEEEE YOU BABY BOI
Okay, I like this one alot. If I was to ever make a Tardi Playlist (never happening) this would be #2 after Timeless hahahaha

WAKE UP F1LTHY
Dude, this album just keeps going. I’m exhausted already but that’s probably because unlike his listeners, I have a job and actually gotta do shit other than play Call of Duty and tug cock to Japanese animation porn.

JUMPIN
Typical beat/cadence but it works. Does Uzi vert still refer to himself as “they”?

TRIM
I feel like i’ve heard this same song 4 times on this album. Is this Future’s album? hahaha

COCAINE NOSE
Dope title. Might do cocaine this weekend while my kid's away unless she reads this one day in which i’m just kidding, kiddo.

WE NEED ALL DA VIBES
I think it’s Thug singing terribly in the beginning of this and it almost makes me think he got out too early. Take it easy young fake blood, i’m just joshin.

OLYMPIAN
This beat is torturous and frankly I don’t know how many more songs I can listen to, dawg. I just think of Lungs & Zach London listening to this while playing Nintendo and i just get irritated cuz I know they’re better than this, they all are, hahahdfksldjfhsalkdfhaslkfsadlfhsal.

OPM BABI
This beat is way better than that previous audio turd taco of a song. I’m still upset but I’m calming down, I got ice cream coming via instacart.

TWIN TRIM
This sounds like a Raw Beatzz throwaway from 2015 hahahahaha. On the song some dude said “I make this bitch suck my nuts” and I’m pretty sure it was a black dude which makes it funnier cuz only a white boy would say something so silly.

LIKE WEEZY
Cool title and the beat feels very bright and lighthearted. I wonder if Tardi can actually kick flip a skateboard…

DIS 1 GOT IT
This is the most I’ve typed in weeks. I shouldn’t even be expending this amount of energy but it’s not about me or Playboi Tardi. It’s about you, the readers!

WALK
This one ain’t bad. I don’t know if anyone’s ever said this but I don’t think Future does any drugs and he just be rapping that shit and as a person who loves drugs on a recreational level, I find it lowkey offensive at times but it’s entertaining, I know.

HBA
I really like this one. This one actually makes me want to go do drugs, which is what I want to feel by this type of music.

OVERLY
This beat sucks balls! Back to the hate, non-binary punk!

SOUTH ATLANTA BABY
This beat might be my favorite on the album but the whole off beat rapping just makes my blood boil, dude. It could be my age, my impatient, irritable nature or my superior lyrical skillset that is the reason for these feelings, but I just can’t get jiggy wit this shit, b.

FAVORITE SONG: The one with Weeknd on it, I don’t even know which one it was cuz it’s 534 songs with no features listed like an asshole!
WORST SONG: A shitload of em’ bro, fuck idk.
2 SENTENCE OVERALL REVIEW: Whatever makes you fucking kids, happy. I hope he’s at least paying child support.
TUBBY BLOG RATING: 2 out of 5 Iggy Azalea tears.

Glorious

GloRilla

RATING2 out of 5 naked Swae Lees.

First 3 Song Reviews

INTRO

When Glorilla first came on the scene, I thought she was strange looking. Them eyes are 3 miles apart but over time, I’ve accepted them as they are and have grown to like em’, quite honestly.

HOLLON

This one kinda crunk tho. I love her deep southern voice, that shit like audio blue chew for me, dawg!

PROCEDURE

This got Latto on it but this one is hot garbage. Sometimes, Glorilla kinda looks like Swae Lee and E.T mixed and it confuses me cuz I desire her sexually.

TGIF
I like the basic simplistic beat to this. I bet the southern hoodrat bitches LOVE this one, i’m sure of it, dude.

WHATCHU KNO ABOUT ME
Ahhhh, I see what she did here she remade the wipe me down song. Touche’. What I do know about her is that she got a terrible snake tattooed on her stomach and I know she had a homegirl do that cuz it is horrendous and she refuses to get it covered up and I kinda respect it.

STOP PLAYING
I would pay $250 to see Swae Lee and Glorilla make out for an hour, naked. I don’t need a second sentence, we can keep it moving, LOL.

DON’T DESERVE
This song isn’t bad and features Muni Long, who I like as a singer but absolutely hate their name (Money Long, get it? Yeah, dumb.) This song is about “fuck n-bombs” that do girls dirty, hahaha. Whatever.

RAIN DOWN ON ME
Kirk Franklin started talking right in the beginning and I realized what this was about to be and I ain’t trying to hear Glorilla rap about baby Jesus so I just hit skip. I pretty much hit skip on all these shits to keep it a bean, hahaha.

GLO’S PRAYER
Fuck, she’s got a praying skit too!? She ain’t gotdamn DMX.

I AIN’T GOING
Okay, this one kinda hard. I bet Glorilla one of them broads that be burping really loud in public thinking it’s funny and cute.

STEP
Did you know that Glorilla didn’t know that foxes were real and thought they were a fictitious character like a unicorn? Our educational system is crumbling but we already knew this, unfortunately.

LET HER COOK
This beat is fucking terrible. Cody Banks of Flow Lounge masturbates to Glorilla (he told me this one time while drunk).

I LUV HER
Ahhhhh shit this got T.Pain on it but honestly, soon as she started rapping, I checked out. I wonder if Glorilla has exceptional peripheral vision…

QUEEN OF MEMPHIS
This got Fridayy on it, whom I am a fan of. This might be one of the few songs I’d listen to again but that could be the weed talking, idk.

FAVORITE SONG: The one with T.Pain on it, I guess.
WORST SONG: The praying skit where she’s talking to God like he’s her uncle.
OVERALL 2 SENTENCE ASSESSMENT: It’s crazy how attracted I am to her because of the undeniable distance between her left and right eye and the Swae Lee comparisons but fuck it, I’ma fan. I’ll probably never listen to this album ever again, though.
RATING: 2 out of 5 crushed up blue chews.

We Don’t Trust You

Future & Metro Boomin

Overall Rating upon first (real) listen4 out of 5 Meryl Streep unwashed used panties.

First 3 Song Reviews

1. We Don’t Trust You

I bet you Drake didn’t even eat that entire day this shit dropped. His stomach was in knots, hahahaha.

2. Young Metro

All I remember when I gave this shit an initial listen was how impressed I was with the production. I think it’s kinda pussy he got Future fighting his battles (or so that’s the perception, I could be wrong) but production wise, this project is his best work to date.

3. Ice Attack

Don’t fuckin lie dude, you can’t tell me this fool Future don’t look like Meryl Streep hahahaha it’s all I see it’s been that way for years, chief!

4. Type Shit
The Prodigy clips/references throughout this project is very dope and a well-played move by Metro/Future to appease a different demographic (East Coast hip hop heads). I bet you Drake would beat the fucking dog shit out Metro’s nerdy ass though, in a fight to the death.

5. Claustrophobic
Great Prodigy clip to start this one. Clearly, Metro’s way to jab at Aubrey… touché.

6. Like That
Very entertaining KDot verse and delightful beat flip choices (Eazy E and Everlasting Bass). Someone on twitter said Drake and Future fell out like two baddies after a Miami trip, hahahahaha!

7. Slimed In
I slimed in a sock a couple weeks ago in the war room watching porn quietly at like 4am while the misses and kid were sleeping. I felt like I was 14 again, I have zero regrets, stay forever young! #TrueStory

8. Magic Don Juan (Princess Diana)
I don’t like this one. Also, Princess Diana was barely even a baddie if we keepin it a bean, that bish was plain white toast, no butter, RIP.

9. Cinderella
I could totally see Future and Drake meeting up to talk things out and during that conversation, Drake cries. I’d bet all my bitcoin on it!

10. Runnin Outta Time
This is one of the ones I liked while half ass listening the other day. I wonder how hard it is for Scottie Pippen and Ciara’s husband (I forgot his name, the Tiger Woods lookin mufucka who plays football) to avoid hearing Future’s music.

11. Fried (She a Vibe)
The fried ones usually are, hahaha. Don’t even get me started, pal… getting chubbed up just typing this, next song!

12. Ain’t No Love
Metro makes really great beats and is high on my list of favorite producers, but something about him seems cucky. He look like a pillow talkin playa hating sumbitch and some of yall know what I’m talking about, I don’t trust him, ha.

13. Everyday Hustle
Honestly, I would like to hear Mister Future Vandross on this type shit more often as this is easily one of my new favorite all time Future joints. Exceptional Rozay verse with another Prodigy reference clearly directed at my favorite Canadian not named The Weeknd… Nice.

14. GTA
Immediately like this one, off the beat alone. I’m not a lean person, but this definitely makes me wanna have a couple nose beers and play with guns.

15. Seen It All
As a longtime Mobb Deep fan, you already know I’m conflicted about this. Great homage but doesn’t hold a fucking candle to Quiet Storm but that’s expected from a 42 year old rap nerd who still wears Timbs.

16. WTFYM
Is Meryl Streep still alive? I’m not into white women but she got that Martha Stewart vibe about her where she’s like 90 but still boinkable, you know what I’m sayin?

17. Where My Twin @
That title gay as hell. He shoulda ended it with the last song, this record sucks man.

Overall Rating upon first (real) listen: 4 out of 5 Meryl Streep unwashed used panties.
Favorite song off the album: Everyday Hustle
Least Favorite: The last soft ass one.
2 Sentence overall review: Finding out Metro and Future are Mobb Deep fans warms my heart but it’s still OVO over FreeBandz, bitch! I hope Drake and J.Cole make a collabo album and diss allllllll these mufuckers for 10 songs straight over Alchemist beats, for the culture!!

Vultures

Kanye West & Ty Dolla $ign

Overall Rating2.5 out of 5 Pete Davidson Boners

First 3 Song Reviews

Stars

Interestingly, Johnny Kohler made a beat recently with this same sample. Apple Music didn’t even put this dude’s album on their browse/new music page, petty ass mufuckas I can dig it.

Keys to My Life

Does anyone even give a fuck about this album on some real shit tho? Aye, did he just say Papa John’s?!

Paid

My recreational cocaine party boy days are “over” however I’d come out of retirement for a night for Tyler Dollerson (pause). I can just tell he loves the nose beers and it makes me like him more ngl.

Talking
I like to talk my Ye shit but so far, this shit ain’t bad and honestly already better than Donda. Sidenote: Ye’s “wife” looks like an absolute brainless human urinal, don’t she!? LOLOLOL

Back To Me
I liked this one immediately but Ye’s verses kinda killed it for me. Ty woulda sounded better on this with Drizzy, and I think we can all agree on this.

Hoodrat
This song sucks ass. Speaking of ass, I read somewhere that Kanye has terrible hygiene and I 1000% believe that shit, musty nuts mufucka.

Do It
My daughter’s mother put me onto this show the other night called “Love on the Spectrum” where it’s a bunch of special ed mufuckas trying to find love and this dude Ye and his hot european port-a-potty would’ve been perfect for that show. I plan on binge watching that show all week, that shit is lowkey genius!

Paperwork
I just want Ye to make beats for other rappers and musicians. Maybe do ad-libs on occasion but that’s it, I’m sorry.

Burn
This shit’s a bop right here. Speaking of burn, I bet Ty Dollar’s been drunk and accidentally snorted meth thinking it was coke.

Fuk Sumn
I’m sure this one’s going to be a crowd favorite. You think Jay Z even texts Kanye back, anymore?

Vultures
This will be one of the very few that I play regularly off this project. And by regularly, I mean maybe for like a week than probably never again.

Carnival
Remember when J. Prince held Kanye hostage and made him read a letter to Drake? HAHAHA, good stuff right there!

Beg Forgiveness
This one’s cool… You think he’s forgiven Pete?

Good (Don’t Die)
Okay, so production wise this album is solid but I’m already checked out, dude. This album shoulda ended at the last song.

Problematic
Kanye should go on one of those ayahuasca retreats and vlog that shit, hahaha. This song’s a snooze fest, mane.

King
Does his wife even speak english? I bet she autistic as hell, dawg.

Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 5 Pete Davidson Boners
Favorite Record: which one had Freddie on it?
Least Favorite: does it fucking matter, dude? The guy walks around public, bare foot. No one cares.

2 sentence overall assessment: It was established early on that the guy makes exceptional music and is one of the most consistent artists ever but it’s hard to get over the antics and corniness, these last several years. We’ll always have College Dropout.

Pink Friday 2

Nicki Minaj

Overall Rating3 out of 5 dead beat daddies

First 3 Song Reviews

Are You Gone Already

WTF is this shit, dude? I already know this is gonna piss me off man.

Barbie Dangerous

Classic beat sample. The Biggie rework isn’t that bad either.

FTCU

I saw a video of Lil Nas X remaking this and I actually wasn’t mad at it. I don’t mind this one, honestly.

Beep Beep
Her husband definitely got weirdo sexual predator chester vibes and kinda looks like he got fetal alcohol syndrome. I’m from Alaska, I can spot a FAS baby from a thousand yards and he got that shit dawg.

Fallin 4 U
This one’s aight. You know who I’m fallin for? I’m falling for Glorilla dawg, there’s something about that skinny big headed ass bish and her accent, I’m all in. I usually only fuck with thickies but I’m willing to experiment. This was more than 2 sentences, I’m sorry. Over here getting horned up to Nicki Minaj music typing, just letting my thumbs cook. Life is crazy. Back to the album.

Let Me Calm Down
This one got J.Cole the fucking feature king and it’s my favorite track so far. I wonder if J.Cole fought Puff Daddy at that party cuz Puffy tried to fuck him.

RNB
I could totally see myself having shower sex with this one playing. I haven’t had shower sex since 2015, I miss it man.

Pink Birthday
This title immediately makes me think of (freshenly shaven) pussy with whip cream on it. I need to get on betterhelp.com and talk to someone, I know yo.

Needle
This the song with Certified Lover Boy himself and you know my blue chew’d up ass is here for it. I bet Adonis is at home right now doing some weirdo shit in his bedroom, little fuckin psychopath!

Cowgirl
This record is a blatant attempt to appease her white female fans and I hope her registered sexual offender husband tells her this shit is trash every time he hears it. I hate this.

Everybody
See Cowgirl comments.

Big Difference
This one isn’t too bad and she’s actually rapping so that’s cool. I’m surprised a Nicki sex tape has never surfaced yet remain hopeful.

Red Ruby Da Sleeze
I really enjoy this one mainly due to the Lumidee sample. This actually may be my favorite Nicki solo record in her entire catalog, if we keepin it a bean.

Forward From Trini
Very dope beat. In another dimension, I have a long-distance relationship with a dark skin lover living in the Caribbeans with our love child that can’t even speak english and I send them money and visit them twice a year.

Pink Friday Girls
This Cyndi remake has been done repeatedly and is super corny. Again, this was made for her suburban caucasian queens, i get it.

Super Freaky Girl
Oh, this bish just gonna remake a bunch of old songs huh? Lazy old lady, haha.

Bahm Bahm
Gotdamn it, I just looked and there’s like 5 more songs to go still! Fuuuuuuck me, dude smfh.

My Life
Before it’s all said and done, I want to see a video of Nicki either fighting or fuckin. One or the other, man.

Nicki Hendrix
This title pisses me the fuck off dude, I’m so fucking serious yo! Aye, you think Future fucks with shades on????

Blessings
This album is long as shit, blood. Ah shit here she goes singing some sad shit, NEXT!

Last Time I Saw You
Misses Minaj got into her super white Zumiez/Sketchers bag on this one and you know what, I ain’t mad at it. Ol’ ghetto ass Avril Levigne, haha.

Just The Memories
What is it that her husband actually does, as far as generating income? I think this dude just chills at home and plays Fortnite all day like Rick Beal and I gotta be honest and say I’m fairly jealous other than the whole registered sex offender part which we could discuss more at a later time.

Overall Rating: 3.5 out 5 deadbeat daddies
Favorite Record: Red Ruby Da Sleeze
Least Favorite Song: There was a shit load of them.

2 Sentence overall assessment: All jokes aside, it was better than what I was expecting going into it. Is her husband even legally allowed to take their kids to school???

For All The Dogs

Drake

Overall Tubby Blog rating3.5 out of 5 adonis farts.

First 3 Song Reviews

Virginia Beach

Really dope sample & instrumental as you would expect from the first track. That being said, instead of dissing Pusha like a real motherfucker supposed to, he crying about a bitch again and I'm a lil disappointed, honestly.

Amen

Okay, so I'ma say what every other old head is probably thinking/saying: Teezo Touchdown is a stupid ass stage name, hahahaha. This one cool tho.

Calling For You

Not super big into this one kinda like the way Adonis isn't super big into doing anything haha. Kid weirds me out.

Fear of Heights
This is a Rihanna diss, yeah? Imagine him and Rocky both trying to fight hahaha I can't picture it either.

Daylight
I don't know what makes me more upset, hearing the same Scarface movie bites on rap songs over and over again or having to hear fucking Adonis rap before he can even read (he said it himself on that one barstool sundae video that he can't read)!!

First Person Shooter
I'm sure it's the general consensus, but definitely a standout record for the album. Anyone hating on Jermaine Cole at this point, just depressed.

IDGAF
This record is for 12 year olds and I wish Aubrey would stop giving every "hot at the moment" artist album placements. I don't like this Yeat, dude. I bet J. Prince don't like him either haha.

7969 Santa
I don't know why but the song title made me picture Santa Claus 69'ing Mrs. Claus and I started to get aroused thinking about it. Why does everything lead to sex with me and should I speak to a professional about this, you think?

Slime You Out
Initially I didn't really like this record but the more I play it, the more it sticks to me. SZA renegade'd Drizzy on this one.

Bahamas Promises
I fux wit this one. Speaking of Bahamas Promises, I'm going on a cruise in January/February and if I come back with a Caribbean fiancé who barely speaks English, just support it!

Tried Our Best
If this song has anything to do with failed relationships, I'ma have to skip it immediately cuz I'm super high and still healing from a breakup and yall don’t want me to start dropping tears on this dell laptop, trussssst me hahaha. Someone tell Janie I love her and to pull up on me!

Screw The World (Interlude)
I guarantee you this is the only record Booster paid for on iTunes and the only one he's playing off this album regularly, haha. RIP SCREW, H-Tine stand up! Love this!

Drew A Picasso
One of my favorites thus far. You know what is not a Picasso? that bullshit Adonis made for the album. That shit don't even look like a dog! Sorry, that was more than 2 sentences. Idgaf, I'm getting riled up thinking about this lil curly haired mufugga!

Members Only
Any and every time Drizzy and Party get together, it's a celebration in my little washed up world. Sidenote: PartyNextDoor got fat as fuck, yo!

What Would Pluto Do
That beat sounds like 5 old Drake records. This one could've been taken off the album and given to one of his buddies like Baka, lord knows he could use a hit.

All The Parties
This the one with the Chief Keef feature which I found pleasantly surprising upon reading that, however his verse on this is a turd sammich. Did you know Chief Keef was nuttin in that Bhad Barbie bish for years!?

8am in Charlotte
This is produced by Conductor Williams which is a respected name among Griselda fans. This probably my favorite minus having to see gotdamn Adonis dancing in the video like your typical white guy, hahahahaha.

BBL Love (Interlude)
I really like this but I hate the line "Bust that pussy open..." cuz anytime I hear that, I picture some asian broad on pornhub spreading your hole open for the camera, which I personally find absolutely repulsive. I don't wanna see that shit!!

Gently
I'ma say something that's gonna piss a lot of y'all off, get ready... Bad Bunny < Daddy Yankee. Hahahahaha! Serious, dude.

Rich Baby Daddy
I really like this song except for that hook. Am i the only one who is curious to know if Sexy Red has ever contracted any STD's and if so, which ones?

Another Late Night
Featuring Little Yotti, who to this day, I can't get jiggy with... He definitely appears to have mild to medium autism, which is totally fine, I'm just saying it's noticeable.

Away From Home
This one ain't that bad. Aye, you think Adonis has ever said the N-word? Hahahahaha

Polar Opposites
I've got to be transparent and admit I haven't even really been paying attention to any of the songs after hearing Adonis skat rapping on that one song in the beginning. Shoulda knew he was gonna do that shit eventually, I guess I just wasn't mentally prepared.

Overall Tubby Blog rating: 3.5 out of 5 adonis farts..
Favorite track (upon first listen): 8AM in Charlotte
Least favorite track (upon first listen): Adonis
2 sentence overall assessment (upon first listen): Minus the Sexy Red vocals, the Adonis freestyle and the Bad Bunny record, I enjoyed it. Definitely coulda had 2-3 more “First Person Shooter” records to balance it out but really what we all need to worry about and pray doesn’t happen is a Drake/Adonis collaborative album cuz you fucking know it’s being discussed, stay woke!

Bars Mitzvah

BLP Kosher

TUBBY BLOG RATING3 out of 5 uncircumsized weeners

First 3 Song Reviews

1. The Nac 3

I like that little rattle noise he makes with his tongue. Pause.

2. Wicked Miracle

This beat goes kinda hard. How bad does his hair stink, you reckon?

3. 2000’s Baby

This sounds like an old T.I/Jazze Pha throwaway. I don’t mind this one, though.

4. Fools Gold
He should make a cowboy western video for this one. Yelawolf woulda murked this shit, son son!

5. Cheese Touch
This beat sounds like Duckman should be on it, ha. I love all cheese, especially pepperjack and smoked gouda.

6. Nightmare up North
This song title reminds me of getting random drug tests up north on the slope. This song is buttcheeks, by the way.

7. Special K
Did he just refer to himself as ‘Dreidel man”? I don’t know what else to say, honestly.

8. Emo Jit
Hilarious title. Speaking of jewish rappers, what ever happened to this guy?

9. J’s & Z’s
I feel like I’ve been listening to the same song for the last 8 hours. There’s a fuckin guy on here named Trapland Pat.

10. Expensive Gas
First 20 seconds, I’ve already determined, this too… is buttcheeks.

11. Quite Frankly
This one’s a cooler, more mellow record, I guess. Luh Tyler’s on this one, and after seeing his name everywhere lately, I’m a little disappointed to say, his voice weirds me out.

12. Endless
DJ Premier produced this!?! I’m at a loss for fucking words right now…

13. Miami Rainbows
I like this beat alot, but fuck that shit, I’m still trippin on the Preemo placement. My hater ass heart is so conflicted, right now.

14. Hawk 9000
Just off the instrumental alone, probably my favorite record on the album, thus far. That’s not really saying much though, *Jadakiss laugh*.

15. Open Your Mind
I absolutely hate this song. I saw a video of this dude skateboarding though, and he’s nasty wit it but yeah, his singing on this makes me super angry.

16. Another World
This some mufuckin Blink 182 shit, dawg. I can’t do it.

17. Smoke to the Garden
Okay, this one’s pretty good. Back to his hair tho, how did he get it to look like petrified wood?

18. Water to the Grave
The beginning build up in this is nasty. Okay, this is a really good record that I’d listen to again.

19. Gravity
This mufucka thinks he’s Joji, all of a sudden. Ol’ dookie hair ass mufucka.

Overall, I give this album 3 out of 5 uncircumsized weeners. The last 4 tracks carried the shit. He seems like he'd be a good hang (pause). Probably will never play this album again. L’Chaim!

Utopia

Travis Scott

Overall rating3 out of 5 Kylie Queefs

First 3 Song Reviews

1. HYAENA

Solid intro. His best album intro in his discography.

2. THANK GOD

I’m not reading any of the credits, so I don’t know who did, or is on, what. I like the dark ominous beat on this one.

3. MODERN JAM

Okay, I’m fuckin with this one. Got a retro b-boy/old-school hip-hop vibe that my old ass likes.

4. MY EYES
This one is weird with all the vocal distortion and bullshit. He shoulda tossed this shit sandwich in the trash bin on his desktop.

5. GOD’S COUNTRY
The slow, hypnotic beat is pretty dope. Did him and Kylie ever “leak” a sex tape, I can’t remember?

6. SIRENS
This album sounds and feels expensive as fuck, don’t it? You think the ghosts of those that died at AstroWorld haunt his dreams at night?

7. MELTDOWN
Obviously, I like this one cuz I’m a huge OVO thot but I really wish he’d leave Pusha alone. Pusha gonna hurt that man’s feelings again, watch.

8. FEIN
I heard this is one of the more popular records on the album. Back to Drake tho, I hope Pharrell comes out of nowhere and ether’s Aubrey, haha.

9. DELRESTO (ECHOES)
This is the one with Beyonce. I’m sure this one costed a hundred bajillion dollars.

10. I KNOW ?
My favorite track upon second listen. This one stood out the first time I gave the album a run through.

11. TOPIA TWINS
Twin bitches on a jet ski honestly don’t really do anything for me. Are they blasian, though?

12. CIRCUS MAXIMUS
Travis’ version of Black Skinhead, which is off an album people are saying this album is copying, not realizing Yeezus came from Travis. I don’t got time to dive deeper.

13. PARASAIL
This one’s a lil too slow for me. Falling asleep typing this shit.

14. SKITZO
Another stand out track for me. This is probably the one I’ll replay the most for the next few days.

15. LOST FOREVER
This shit got Westside Gunn and produced by Alchemist, mufucka! You already know how I feel about this, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM!!

16. LOOOVE
This was made for white women in the club. Another one that needs to go directly into the fuggin trash bin.

17. K-POP
I like this one a lot but mainly because Weeknd on it. Funny that Pharrell is in the video for this song considering the Drake shit.

18. TELEKINESIS
Solid features from Future and SZA. Aye, remember when Tory Lanez tried to fight Travis inside of a trailer a few years back, cuz I do.

19. TIL FURTHER NOTICE
I don’t like this as the last record. He shoulda ended this shit with the previous track.

Okay, so there you have it. I give it 3 out of 5 Kylie Queefs. That may change to 4 after a few more listens, idk. Pretty good album, though. Definitely my favorite out of his discography. I sure wish there was a sex tape, though.